It’s a sad thing to have to admit, but whether considering the lifestyle or professional side of the D/S scene, the ‘approachable dominant’ is becoming an increasingly rare phenomenon.
The daily call of duty, whether it be for business or pleasure, can corrupt even the most well-intentioned tops. After a few years as a top submerged in what can be, frankly, little more than moments of illusion, symptoms of domitis are all too likely to become evident.
Obvious signs of the condition include: referring to yourself in the third person; boisterous proclamations of alpha conquests; constant touting of collared human accessories despite vanilla surroundings; and presumptuous expectations of very public submission by others to your (unbeknown to them) ‘royal’ status.
As D/S becomes more commercially acceptable, and thus accessible through an increasing range of media, the scene unwittingly encourages an influx of ill-formed, ill-trained, ego-maniacal beginners who emulate all of the stereotypes while assimilating very little of the reality.
If only this affliction were limited to these starter players — but it isn’t. Striding forwards, suffocating all in their path with an unbridled air of superiority, all too many established dominants offer calfskin-clad heels instead of handshakes to any and everyone they meet — their equals included.
The scene invites us all to strut our pervy stuff. But those choosing the dominant path should make sure to tread only upon their consenting slaves and not upon their peers.
‘Those choosing the dominant path should make sure to tread only upon their consenting slaves and not upon their peers.’
Of course, the D/S community, like any other, has its fair share of egos. Typically, the most insecure will also have the most unrealistic expectations of deference from others in the scene. Throw in a little regular power exchange and there is no limit to how far this domitis disease can spread.
How is it that a world renowned domme like Midori interacts with D/S ‘commoners’ with a delightful, down-to-earth grounded-ness, while Mistress/Master So-Called Superior projects and expects? The difference in attitude between those who are truly powerful and those who merely affect power could not be more obvious.
Once upon a time, only years of training, mentoring, self-education and sometimes also a healthy stint as a bottom would be considered discipline enough to understand the mental and physical sacrifice offered through submission. Yet in this instant gratification society, you find a growing number of tops who consider themselves experts after only a few years in the lifestyle or the job.
In my own experience, achieving the status of a well-regarded mistress with longterm subservient devotees does not just depend on continual learning and personal growth, but also requires humility.
This is the only sure way to keep jaded disillusionment, and the cynical and deluded attitudes towards fellow pervs that accompany it, at bay.